i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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