You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
