How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
