The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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