If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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