He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
