The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
