How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Alive.
So much puke
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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