Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
