Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
