And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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