I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
