"it" just moved
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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