i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
