im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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