So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
