she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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