I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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