She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
