she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
