i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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