I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
