Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
