It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
