I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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