omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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