I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
