hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
