3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
