god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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