Please, let me fuck your mom
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
