I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
