I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
