the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
