last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Watching her eat just hurts me
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
