There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
