After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
