the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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