i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
