I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
