help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
