This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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