As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize