i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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