We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
