i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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