Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
pray to the hookup gods
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
