It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
