it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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