I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize