the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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