he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
