You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
