he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
