i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize