the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize