Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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