Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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