I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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