Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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