girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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