apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
