I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
