I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
