i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
