we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
