U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize