She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
