If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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