I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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