yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Acid is not a monday night drug
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
