Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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