I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize