During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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