She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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