I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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