I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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