I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
